


Sith Mind Games

by Calipsan



Series: Saucy Fish out of Water Dramedy [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calipsan/pseuds/Calipsan
Summary: Vader has long wondered about his Emperor's ability to read minds. Now, at last, he has found the perfect way to test his theory.





	Sith Mind Games

**Author's Note:**

> This is another story I wrote with my husband. The things that go on in his mind....lol

The Emperor had never taught Lord Vader how to read thoughts. Vader did not, in point of fact, know for certain that mind reading was within Darth Sidious' power. He had long suspected; Palpatine was always one step ahead in every negotiation, always able to reach at once, seemingly without effort, for the perfect insult or the perfect flattery in every circumstance. 

There were, of course, dark murmurings in the Sith holocrons, on the rare occasions that Lord Sidious had granted Vader access to their precious knowledge. Vader could not shake the suspicion that directly reading thoughts was one of the sacred skills of lore that the Emperor had jealously guarded for himself.

Being very careful not to turn toward his Dark Master, Vader glanced at the Emperor's withered face seeking some sign that he could read Vader's mind. The Emperor's face was as unreadable as ever, communicating only hatred and patience: the only two qualities Vader had ever known him to possess. 

“Can you hear me right now?” thought Vader as loudly as he could.

Palpatine's face did not so much as twitch.

“My name is Dark Lord Palpatine and I am a great big poopy face that smells like bantha poop and Vader is the biggest, strongest, sexiest Sith Lord ever.” Nothing. Vader paused, considering. 

Suddenly, inspiration struck. Within his own head, Vader began singing a cruelly repetitive song he thought of on the spot. He conjured the most inane images he could fathom and set them to dancing and singing. The song began to ring out in the Dark Lord's helmeted brain, sounding for all the world like a cracked record of an insane circus clown. He began to imagine a twisted figure in motley colors dancing from foot to foot, rubbing at its nipples. It began singing in a high squeaky voice: “Me sah Jar Jar Binks and me so sexy---”

Palpatine flinched as though he had been stung by a Corellian spider wasp. “Alright that is quite enough, Vader,” spat Emperor Palpatine, interrupting Grand Admiral Thrawn as he was expounding on the merits of a more flexible Imperial Navy. 

Thrawn halted mid-sentence, glancing back and forth between the two figures. The robed withered figure in the Imperial throne, and the imposing yet somehow oddly attractive black gargoyle standing beside him. 

“I’m sorry,” said Thrawn, “...did I--”

“I knew it! I knew you could read minds all this time,” boomed Vader, pointing a gloved hand at Palpatine accusingly. 

“Lord Vader we will discuss this at a more appropriate time,” snarled Emperor Palpatine. 

“Oh we most assuredly will,” replied Vader, clenching his fist and shaking it.

“Perhaps I should go,” said Thrawn.

“No!” spat Palpatine, “you will stay and you will continue your report.”


End file.
